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November 28, 2006

This poem was originally written November 28, 2006. I was renting a three story house and was downstairs and could hear the kids playing upstairs. Their pure joy and laughter just made me think about a less stressful time when my laughter was unrestrained, my joy undiluted and I sought and still seek that.

Tonight, I hear my kids being too loud

but I do not mind.

Because I hear unmuffled joy

silliness, and I wonder where mine went

When did I become so serious, smothered

What was the last true feeling that I've had?

Unaccustomed to being the stifled one

There has to be some emotion in here somewhere

other than anger and dispair

What do you do after you've soul searched and found

yourself lacking?

Oh, if it were only just a prayer or a poem or a journal entry

A litany of how-to's and things to avoid

like an Atkins or South Beach diet

A point on the map where you can tell you've arrived safely

Sleep doesn't come, sleep doesn't cure, it seems I'm always

Asleep, sleepwalking

When is the last time I have felt love?

The racing pulse, the shortened breath

The smile that shows in my eyes, the grand prize

To awaken what lies dormant

What did it feel like? Is it like riding a bike?

Even now I hear laughter coming through the heating vent

Two floors below

My children are laughing a more innocent laugh

A laugh without letdown, unmuffled

They really are being too loud

but I do not mind.....

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